I am murderous.

You - a repulsive liar. I - constantly mysterious of your presence and being. Always wondering, thinking, putting things together like a puzzle. I have always been talented at that, doing detective-like things. I will find out, one way or another. I am passionate and determined; those two are deadly when someone is murderously desirous to find out the plain truth. My motive is not to be nosey, but to keep my back from being stabbed. I will never play the fool, never will i allow myself for that to be acceptable. I know me, and i know what is best for me. I will always do what i have to do in order to keep me intact and well. I could give a damn about the other's feelings, because they obviously didn't mind what i would have felt in the long run. No sympathy for people who try to play the victim. I will never play wounded.

Me vs. Us

Disappointment doesn’t even begin to express my agony. You can walk around and say how much of a grown man you are, but you can’t pick up a damn phone to say how late you’ll be home, do you care? Apparently not, because your words don’t speak as loud as your actions. Your actions are consistent and your words, they’re not equivalent. Your actions say one thing but your words, they’re...the reason im still here. Because I am a believer; And when you give me that little ounce of hope, im going to run with is as far as I possibly can before you can catch up and expect me to let you take it back. Insecurities are something I don’t lack, but it’s only because of the fact that im the only one at the end of the day that will pick up your slack. I don’t want to live in misery, because misery loves company, you see, and I prefer it better when it’s just you and me. Not you, and me, and the whole damn country. You’ve got my mind in distress, it’s like you could give a damn and care less. Look at this, I’m a mess. You’ve got me going insane. Too bad hallmark doesn’t make those beautiful cards for the heartbreaks, the heartaches, and the heart attacks you almost put me through. They don’t make cards for those desolate nights. You know, the ones where I dry my eyes out with my pillowcase because my tears fall faster than the fastest bullet being shot. You shoot me down day to day, and how is it possible that I am still alive, I don’t know. I am a woman. My motives are...none of what I am speaking about. I can’t even sleep knowing that I know you, because either way you’re going to be on my mind. I can dream, on my good nights when you don’t leave me hanging, but my mind begins to wonder and say, “What is he trying to prove?” The nights I feel so abandoned, remind me of why I never wanted to be with you. I am a child of the man above and when you make me feel like I don’t have anyone else but you and you’re not there, I whisper my sweet prayer thinking He’s got something made for you. See, everything is about you isn’t it? In your world. In my world. In the world I fought to believe was our world. Little did I know, that I can revolve my world around yours. Your threshold is my orbit, and anything that comes near you has already been through me, because...you see, you live within me. And that’s why it is so hard to just be, because you make it easy to be, whereas for me, being isn’t about being, because it’s about you being with me.

Fun fact?

It's a given.

I've always got something that comsumes my mind. I am forever thinking about something. Anything, but everything. I'm either analyzing, comprehending, confused, or just simply thinking. I am full of thoughts, day and night. Whether it is day-dreaming, plainly thinking, or sleeping; my mind is going. My mind is unpolluted, it's my utopia when need be.

To elude from this place we call reality, i alleviate myself by writing. I jot down anything and everything. Everything has a reason, so i've learned. I may think with my mind, but i will always speak with my heart. My two most prized possessions: my heart, my mind. And my third ... my life.

Love, me ....

BFF more life BFF NEVER!

I find it ironic that the people you call your other half/best friend, can be your worst enemy. It's ironic how people turn out to be the person they said they'd never become. That's life, i've realized that. I am no longer like a leech, that attaches myself to people. I know i have myself and if i cant depend on myself, then DAMN, i dont have anyone. But, I AM MY WORST ENEMY. Best friends? No, i dont have that any longer. And i no longer believe in them. I thought i had the best friend i'd have for a lifetime, situations proved me wrong. To be quite honest, i dont miss her. That may be a little relentless, but the truth hurts. She may never understand why i can no longer be friends with her, but that proves how much she really doesnt know me anymore. It's not my loss, i wasnt the one who f-cked up. I forgave her TOO many times for things i never should have let pass by. It justifies my maturity, and how i don't need her by my side. I felt that i needed her there, though she f-cked up plenty of times, i still kept her near. I had no explanation until now; I was weak. I refused to let all those f-cking years go down the drain, but guess what, buh bye ! I'd rather live without her than live a lie. I can live without her existence in my life, and i am doing so, just fine ;) !

Love Arianna <3